Gauche
by Cats070911
Summary: Just as Barbara is lamenting her loneliness, Tommy appears with a clumsy proposition. Will she follow the advice of the Chinese lady, or risk being without him forever? (Technically M, but not graphic).
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note:** all usual disclaimers apply.

* * *

"Missee velly tight!"

"Missy very stressed," Barbara replied. She winced as the small Chinese woman dug her elbow into the bottom of her shoulder blade.

"Not good, Missee. Too tense. Deep bleth! In! Out! Why so tight?"

"My boss."

"He bad man?"

"No, Siew Lee, he is a good man."

"Why he upset you?"

Siew Lee twisted Barbara's arm behind her painfully. "Argh! It's hard to explain."

"Ahh. You in love with boss eh?"

"Of course not!" A thumb wedged into her neck. "Okay, ease up. Maybe a little."

"You go tense, every time you think of him. He mallied?"

"No, he's widowed."

"He have many children or big nasty dog?"

Barbara raised her head, but Siew Lee pushed it down, so her face was on the cushion, staring through the hole. "No. No children, no dog."

"Good. You tell him how you feel. Tell him I say you too tense. He must rub you, like this."

Siew Lee's hands softened as she gently stroked Barbara's back. After the pummelling she had just received, it felt wonderful. Barbara wished it was Tommy.

"I can't. He'd never want me."

Barbara was brutally torn from her reverie by two thumbs burrowing into the soft flesh of her rump. "Must Missee. Before life pass you by."

* * *

As Barbara sauntered up Chalk Farm Road, she was thinking about her conversation. How do you tell your boss, the man who has status and breeding, that you love him? You can't just turn up and announce it. She sighed and tried to force it from her mind.

As she turned into her street, she was passed by Lynley's car. It was odd for him to be in the area unless he was visiting her. She hurried and turned into her flats. His car was not in the visitors' carpark. She was disappointed but angry with herself for thinking he would be. She walked towards her block. Through the gap between the buildings, she noticed the front of his car. Surely he did not know someone in the other block?

Now more curious than excited or angry, she moved closer. Using the shadows and wall, she peered around the corner and saw him sitting in his car with his hands gripping the steering wheel and his head resting on them. His demeanour was odd. Concerned, Barbara walked over to the car and knocked on the window.

"Sir, is everything okay?"

"Barbara!" Tommy looked up. His eyes were bleary, and Barbara suspected he had been drinking. He knew better than to drink and drive. There was a partially emptied bottle of Scotland's finest on the seat beside him.

"Why are you here?"

"I came... to see you."

"Then why are slumped over your steering wheel half-pissed?"

He sat up straight and glared at her. "I am not."

She pointed to the bottle. "You know better than to drink and drive. If you had called, I would have gone to you."

"I know. Like a faithful dog."

Barbara clenched her teeth and glared at him. "If you're going to be like that, I'll call you a cab. Otherwise, if you want to be civil, you can come inside instead of talking out here where all my neighbours can see."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it the way it sounded."

"If you intend to get drunk, bring your bottle. You've almost finished the one your faithful hound keeps in her cupboard for you."

Barbara turned and started walking to her flat. She heard the car door open and close behind her and heavy but surprisingly steady footsteps rushing to catch her. "Barbara, wait."

She ignored him and kept walking towards her flat. He fell into step beside her but made no attempt to speak. She unlocked the flat, threw her coat loosely on her coat rack, and dumped her bag on her table. She walked to her kitchen and retrieved a clean, low-ball glass. She thrust it at him then pushed past him and sat on her lounge. She folded her arms across her chest and stared at him.

"I'm not drunk," he said as he sat in her only armchair and poured himself a drink, "I only started drinking when I arrived here."

"Why?"

"Dutch courage."

"I meant, why are you here?"

"Where have you been?"

"Out. Even faithful dog's get a run in the park."

Tommy looked her up and down then smiled softly at her. "Not usually without their owners."

Barbara snorted. It was embarrassing being seen by him dressed in her old, sloppy track pants and oversized tee-shirt, but it was hard to stay angry with him when he was making those eyes at her. He was the puppy dog! "You are not my owner."

"I know, but you are mine."

Barbara could not help but smile given her last thought about his eyes. "Rubbish. You're about as obedient as a cat."

"I didn't say I was obedient, just that you own me, heart and soul."

Barbara's face flushed scarlet. "How much have you had to drink?"

"Just enough for me to work up the courage to ask you something."

"Why do you need courage?"

"Because I don't know what you'll say, and I only want one answer."

"Then ask, and we'll find out."

"All in good time. I came around here earlier. Twice, but you weren't here."

"I have an appointment each Thursday when we're not on a case."

"Oh?" He sounded intrigued.

"Is it any of your business?"

"No, I don't suppose it is," he conceded, "I thought you might have been on a date. I have noticed you never want to have a meal or a drink on Thursdays."

"You came around to spy on me?"

"No!"

"Well?"

"I told you, I came to ask you something."

"Like where do I go on Thursdays?"

"No, but I am curious."

"Oh, for heaven's sake! I go to the back of the market and get a massage from this little Chinese lady."

"Why?"

"Does it matter? It makes me feel good. Relieves tension."

"Do I make you tense?"

"Sometimes. But this is about me, not you. It's good for me. Helps me stay supple." She could not tell him that she went because it was the only way to satisfy her base need to be touched by another human. "Anyway, that's irrelevant to why you came over here. What's your question?"

Tommy drained his glass of the generous finger he had poured himself. "We are friends. Good friends."

"Yes. That sounds like a statement of fact, not a question."

"Neither of us have any ties. No children, no lovers."

Barbara leant forward towards him. "So?"

"We are free to make our own choices."

"Yes, we are. Within reason. We still have jobs and responsibilities."

"Ah, yes, true. But what I wanted to ask might change that."

"You're going to quit, aren't you? And go back to Cornwall." Barbara sank back in her chair. Tears filled her eyes, but she was determined not to let them spill in front of him. She would save that for when she was alone.

Tommy moved across to the sofa and put his arm around her. "No, but that answers part of my question. If I ask what I'd really like to, then I know you will say no, and that would probably be the right thing to do. So, I want to suggest something unorthodox. Hopefully, it will be acceptable and, if things go as I expect, then we can work towards my original goal."

Barbara leant back and screwed up her face. "You're making no sense whatsoever, Sir."

"Barbara, we both know that we need each other. We have been skirting around the reason for years, even when..."

She stopped breathing. Was he saying what she thought he was? "Yes?"

"I love you, and I am fairly sure you love me, so will you move in with me and become my lover?"

"Your what?" Barbara's head spun. Had he really just suggested they become lovers?

"My lover."

"No! You've never shown the slightest romantic interest in me, and now you arrive on my doorstep and decide I should become your lover. It's like a business transaction. No courtship or kisses, just a demand to jump straight into bed with you."

"I wanted to make my intentions clear from the start. And in a way, I have been courting you. We go out to dinner and the movies, we're always together at the pub. And I have tickets for that West End show next week. You said you'd enjoy that."

"I thought we were just friends..."

"Can you honestly say that's all you want us to be?"

Barbara saw in his eyes that he knew the truth. She looked away. "No. I've dreamt of us being more." She sat up and glared at him. "But I imagined one day we'd look at each other and somehow melt into each other's arms and that you'd kiss me, and the heavens would light up with thousands of new stars. I didn't expect an invitation to become lovers that was like asking me to come to work early!"

"I'm sorry. I thought I should make my intentions clear upfront. I didn't want you to think this was a whim or a fling. I wanted to ask you to marry me, but I knew you'd say no. I thought if you moved in and we were lovers, that would overcome your fears and in a few months, you'd agree to marry me. I foolishly thought that in asking you, we would kiss and that all those years of wanting each other would find their own expression."

"You mean you thought we'd jump each other?"

"Yes, when you put it that way, I suppose I did. Instead, you are angry with me."

"I don't know what I feel."

"I should go. I'm sorry I upset you." He reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. His fingers then traced a path down to her chin. They lingered there, and when she looked up, his eyes were as teary as hers.

Their faces drifted together. Barbara wanted to push him away and scream about how he had ruined the moment. She also wanted to feel his lips on hers. He paused millimetres from her and waited. Barbara took a deep breath then moved closer.

It was not the dreamy, soft, first kiss she had always imagined. It was hard and ferocious. They did not dally with gentle caresses. Their tongues fought furiously to access each other's mouths as they tore at each other's clothing. Barbara ripped open his shirt and ran her hands across his chest. Tommy pulled down her track pants. She tugged at his zipper. Hands and lips and tongues explored each other in a frenzy of need. As soon as they slid to the floor, Barbara guided him home. They panted and groaned as they thrust at each other. They cried out each other's name as they exploded together.

"I love you, Barbara." Tommy's arms came around her and kissed her tenderly.

Tempted as she was to give in, she pushed him away. "You've had what you wanted. Now go home."


	2. Chapter 2

Tommy paced his office waiting for Barbara to arrive. He had contemplated appearing on her doorstep at dawn, but that tactic had failed so miserably last night, he dared not risk it in case he made everything worse.

He had been awake all night worrying about what had happened. His original intention had been to drive over, tell her he loved her and hopefully find she reciprocated. Instead, he had lost his nerve each time she had not answered her door. Foolishly he had stopped for a drink, bought a bottle, and true to form his night had unravelled. Tommy had been mortified to find her knocking on his car window. He should have stopped there or only chatted to her, gone inside and watched television. He should have invited her out and romanced her, not agreed that he had expected to, what was her term? Jump each other. He groaned and ran his hand through his hair. "Lynley, you're a fool."

His only consolation was that she had responded with equal hunger. She had admitted she loved him. He doubted that had vanished, even if she was angry with him. He hoped that his small gesture on her desk showed her he did care.

He had almost worn a rut in his carpet by the time she walked in half an hour late. He peered carefully through the Venetian blinds on his window between his office and the squad room. Barbara threw her bag under the desk, then noticed his gift. A small, brown teddy bear sat in front of her computer on a heart-shaped box of chocolates. Clasped in its paws was a single red rose. Tommy had placed a small card between the bear's legs. After debating for hours what to write, he had kept it simple: _I'm sorry, Barbara. I was gauche and foolish. Please give me a second chance to prove how much I love you. Tommy xxx._ Underneath he had drawn a little heart with their initials and crossed by an arrow.

From his office, he could not see her face, but he saw her slip the chocolates into her bag, move the bear next to the photo of her brother, and put the rose in her coffee cup. That seemed positive. He saw her open the envelope and read the card and shake her head. She glanced quickly at his office. He stepped back from the window but knew she had seen him. The card went into her bag, and she logged on to her computer, making no attempt to come to him.

He had considered all possibilities for her reaction. In his best scenario, she would come to his office, lock the door and fall into his arms. Clearly, that was not going to happen. Neither was the next best one where she would knock, come in and talk to him and hopefully end up in his embrace. At least she had not pulled the arms and legs off the bear and thrown the chocolates at him, as he had envisaged in his worst version of her reaction. Now he had to revert to Plan B.

He closed his Venetians then opened his door. "Barbara, may I have a quick word?"

She walked slowly into his office and sat down in his visitor's chair. "Yes?"

He sat on the edge of his desk in front of her. "We need to discuss last night."

"I got your apology. Thanks." Her face and voice were neutral. It was a behaviour she had cultivated over the years to keep her true feelings from the likes of Hillier. Tommy hated that she now used that defence on him.

"And?"

"Nice chocolates. Cute bear."

"I meant what my note said."

"That you behaved like an Argentine cowboy?"

"What?"

"You said you had been gauche."

Tommy smiled, despite the situation. "The pampas cowboys are gauchos."

"Because they're gauche?"

"Maybe," he agreed, not wanting her to feel foolish. He leant towards her. "I handled last night very poorly. I got carried away. I didn't intend to force myself."

"I know. I won't accuse you of anything. It was consensual. I didn't change my mind. It just wasn't meant to be that way."

"Maybe it had to be. We had a decade of desire and need and love that needed an outlet."

"We fucked, Tommy. Where was the love?"

Tommy sat upright. He paused before answering, knowing what he said could be crucial to their future. "In every frenzied kiss. In every touch of your skin and lips against mine. In every thrust. In the way you came around me and the way I pumped into you. It may seem crude in those terms, but it was still love."

Barbara looked down and fiddled with the hem of her jumper. "I felt cheap, Tommy. As if I was the school whore behind the bike shed. What made it worse was that it was good. I shouldn't have enjoyed that, but I did."

"Oh Barbara, you weren't a whore, and I'm sorry I made you feel that way. Sometimes... well, sometimes you just need that. There's no shame in it. I enjoyed it too, enormously, but if you had let me stay, I would have made love to you slowly, the way you imagined it would be."

She looked up and frowned. "But you already... had your fill."

He laughed softly. "Till the day I die, I'll never have my fill of you. The more I have, the more I want. I wasn't lying when I said I love you. I wasn't exaggerating when I said I want to marry you. I admit that my suggestion of becoming lovers was clumsy and foolish, but in my wildest dreams, I never thought you'd agree to marry me without... being convinced I love you."

"You could have done that by inviting me out somewhere other than the pub and maybe kissing me goodnight once or twice. You could have given me some clues, Tommy. Instead, you turn up drinking, then almost order me to become your lover. What I hated most was that I wanted that. I was happy to settle for something less than perfect because it was you. It made me feel cheap."

Tommy moved closer to her. "I know. I understood that as soon as you asked me to leave. I wanted to show it wasn't true but I was too scared to insist on staying. I'm sorry, Barbara."

She gave him a savage look. "Then why are you grinning?"

"Because you've called me Tommy three times. Hearing my name after all these years... It makes me happy."

"Hardly seems any point calling you Sir now that we've fucked."

Tommy felt stabbed through the heart. "Don't say that. We still made love. It was just more urgent."

"Fucked, shagged, screwed... it just satisfied a primal need."

"No! We didn't pick each other up at a nightclub. We may not have spent months dating, but we know each other better than other couples do in a lifetime. And that's why you know this is much more than sex for you too. I want you in my bed from tonight for the rest of time. I am not ashamed to admit that. I want you to marry me and share everything. What are you afraid of Barbara? That you want that too?"

She looked down and sighed. "Can we start again?"

"Yes. Have dinner with me tonight."

Barbara bit her bottom lip. "Okay."

"I'll pick you up at seven thirty."

She nodded then left his office. Tommy had hope.

* * *

He changed his mind about where to take her three times before he settled on a gastro pub in Pimlico. It was unpretentious and casual but stylish enough to impress. He arrived early but waited until exactly seven thirty before he knocked on her door. Barbara answered promptly. She was dressed in black, flared trousers and a soft, flowing, charcoal silk shirt. It matched his mid-grey suit and blue shirt which looked suitably casual without a tie.

"You look lovely," he said as he extended his arm to escort her to the waiting cab.

"Thanks," she mumbled. She did not return the compliment verbally, but he noticed the appreciative look as her eyes ran over him.

"I thought we'd go to Pimlico tonight. I made bookings at Zanotti's."

Barbara smiled tightly. "Sounds nice."

Tommy chatted about the weather and the much-needed rain the was due overnight. Barbara was quiet, and he sensed she was anxious about their first official date. "Are you nervous?"

"A bit. It seems weird knowing this is a date."

"We've eaten together hundreds of times."

She smiled. "I know, but last night changed everything, Tommy."

"For the better. You'll see."

After her first pint, Barbara relaxed. They started to talk about familiar subjects, and soon the tension was gone. The settled back into their usual banter and companionship. The atmosphere and meal were perfect. Barbara seemed comfortable sitting close to him in their little booth, shielded from other booths, but still within the hubbub of passing patrons and the noise from the bar.

Between courses, Tommy put his arm around her back. After dessert, he felt confident enough to kiss her cheek lightly. "Fancy a walk?"

"Yeah, that'd be nice. Walk off that Chocolate Hazelnut Meringue Cake."

"And half my Lemon Myrtle Cheesecake," he added, nudging her gently in the ribs.

"That was yummy. The flavour was unusual but tasty."

"It comes from a tree that grows in sub-tropical Queensland, in Australia. You can buy the dried leaves in the market."

"I can't cook."

"Well, we can make one together. On the weekend."

"Okay." Barbara smiled at him in a way that made his pulse race and stop simultaneously.

It was a cool but pleasant autumn evening. They meandered through St George's Square and strolled towards the river. Under the overhanging trees, Tommy took her hand like any other lovers. He gripped her harder as they dashed across Grosvenor Road. The large trees that lined the bank of the Thames made it seem as if they were a world away from the city. He put his arm around her shoulder as they leant against the stone wall overlooking the river and Vauxhall. Barbara looked up at him and smiled.

This time, Tommy did not rush their kiss. He started with the barest of touches. Barbara was the first to try to force his lips apart. He let her and enjoyed their gentle interplay. Gradually, almost imperceptibly, their kissed deepened. His arms enfolded her, and she had hers under his coat and around his waist, clenching his shirt in her fist.

Tommy let her explore his mouth. He could feel that heat from her face against his cheek, and for the first time tonight her noticed her subtle scent that she must have dabbed behind her ears. He slowly forced her tongue back and sighed loudly when she pressed her body hard against him.

When he heard Big Ben strike ten o'clock, he realised they had been kissing for over half an hour. He did not want to stop. He never wanted to stop. As they paused for air, he held her head against his neck and nuzzled his face into her hair. He groaned when Barbara began to suck gently below his ear.

"Barbara?"

"Yours. It's closer."

"I was going to say; I love you."

Barbara laughed. "I love you too, Tommy."

"Then marry me."

They stared into each other's eyes for a long time. All her arguments were countered by him. Eventually, she smiled and nodded. "Yes, but take me home now and..."

"Don't you dare say that. I'm going to take you home and make love with you just the way we should."


End file.
